Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
