I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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