Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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