I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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