with your own penis?
Apparently you make a good broom.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
