If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
