I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
