I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
