I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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