my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
