I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
