The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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