Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
