You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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