My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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