i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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