do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
