A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
