You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
