if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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