there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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