my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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