No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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