what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
