you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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