Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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