Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
