Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
