There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Lo siento on account of my penis...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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