Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
