GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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