The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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