I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
