just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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