you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
