It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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