I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
