I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
