Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
