I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
