Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The cops high fived after they tackled you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
