this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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