sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
