You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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