you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
