Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
