What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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