i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
