just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
