So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
