i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He shit in the fireplace
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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