I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
